Tag Archives: Self-help

Let’s remember the bad bits

06 Tuesday Sep 2016

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I don’t know where I learned the difference between ‘good’ and ‘bad life experiences. As early as a 13 I remember doing something that I considered to be bad and vowing to forget. Throughout my teenage years I did various things that I wanted to forget and it continued throughout university. As I downed bottles of wine, smoked cigarettes and hooked up with different people, there was always a voice telling me that what I was doing was wrong. It took away from my experiences and made me feel bad about living them.

After my last relationship ended I spent months questioning what had gone wrong and how I could have changed. I convinced myself that it was my fault that things went bad and this made it hard to move on. I convinced myself that in order to move on I needed to forget. This made it impossible to move on and I felt stuck in the past.

My therapist is a big advocate of mindfulness, living in the present. I have embraced this concept and try and focus my time and energy in the here and now. Despite that I knew that all of my past experiences (good and bad) are also a part of my life. Trying to forget the past was another way of trying to edit out the ‘bad bits’ in order to create a perfect life journey. Life just isn’t like that.

My experiences have made me who I am and they are impossible to forget. All of the things that I class as bad are related to freedom and exploration. I’m tired of punishing myself for living.  No one should feel like they can’t live fully because they fear regretting their decisions.

Your Experiences make you

We are all obsessed with living the perfect life. Mistakes are often glossed over in an attempt to forget them. Society makes us feel like only certain experiences are good ones. Everything that happens in your life is part of your story. They influence how you see the world and how you make decisions. I always thought that my sexuality was something to be ashamed of, something  to hide and forget. I was wrong. The relationships I had with women weren’t mistakes, they allowed me to explore who I am. What experiences are you trying to forget?

Accepting your past allows healing and growth

One of the reasons I enjoy practicing mindfulness is the focus on the present. That doesn’t mean that I don’t feel old thoughts and feelings. Sometimes they are so intense that I feel like I am having the experiences all over again. Instead of forgetting them I allow myself to feel the emotions or the thoughts. I know that they can’t affect my present, they are just apart of my journey. Don’t get my wrong, it is so difficult to accept things that may have hurt you or made you sad, but you can’t forget them.

You can make informed decisions

One of the greatest things about experiences is that you can learn from them. I have done things that I wouldn’t want to repeat or know that I shouldn’t repeat. This is particularly relevant when it comes to dating and relationships. I have decided that I don’t want casual hook ups and will only pursue something more serious. This is important to me because I know what kind of relationship I want and how I want to feel. What has your past taught you?

There is so much pressure to make the right decisions and learn from your mistakes. Sometimes neither is possible. The important thing to remember is that all experiences are a part of life. You don’t have to forget.

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5 Creative Ways to Productivity

23 Wednesday Sep 2015

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I have never really thought about my productivity until recently. I have always felt reasonably successful- I managed to complete all of my work tasks. Then I started to think about all of the goals that I wasn’t achieving. My career was stagnant and my future book was still a day-dream. I didn’t want to look back at my life and regret the things that I didn’t do. It was time to reclaim my time and start doing the things that really made me happy. I hate patronising ‘productivity articles’ and have done my best to avoid the usual textbook advice. Here are my 5 creative ways to productivity.

Use your Calendar 

A great personal development writer (Gretchen Rubin) once said ‘if it’s on the calendar it happens’. Despite working with Microsoft Outlook daily and having a calendar on my phone I didn’t think that recording personal appointments was important. I liked being spontaneous and seeing where the day took me. The only problem with that was that I wasn’t achieving my goals.  I started to record all of my commitments from dinner dates to writing slots. I instantly had more control of my life. The unexpected benefit was also having a weekly snap shot of my life. I had more free time then I actually thought. If you want to make the most of your life use your calendar.

Create one daily priority task

We complete most of our daily tasks on auto pilot. You don’t have to think about having a shower or brushing your teeth. I don’t think we should waste our time planning to do things that will happen anyway. Save your energy and focus on one top-level task that you really need to complete each day. This may be completing a report or calling your mother. Whatever it is, make sure that you only create one. The most important task should be clear. Once this task is completed you will feel like a super hero and your self-confidence will sky-rocket. Keep life simple.

Organise tasks in 90 minute blocks

Apparently our brains work best in 60-90 minute blocks- I do agree. In the past I would give myself a whole day to tidy a room or write a blog. This resulted in hours of procrastination and very little productivity. Now I work in 90 minute blocks and can finish tasks in record time. I find that I remain motivated and actually complete more than what I set out to do. If you’re an ambitious person (like me) you probably have lots that you want to achieve. Work smarter not harder. By organising your time into blocks you can achieve your goals and still have time to have fun.

Work in different environments

If you work in an office it’s likely all you need is a computer and an internet connection. We all have times when we have important tasks to complete. If you find your office distracting why not work in a local coffee shop and enjoy your favourite latte at the same time? Better yet, why not spend a day working from home? Everyone should work in their pyjama’s from time to time.

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In order to achieve my writing goals I need to work in a variety of environments.  I have just set up a home office but sometimes I want to get out of the house. I enjoy writing on the train, coffee shops and the local library. Writing while around people is a different experience and the snatches of conversation I catch usually influence my work. Whatever your task, changing your environment will help your creativity and focus.

                                               Start a support group

We all need support, it’s not easy achieving goals alone. I created a ‘Life Club’ a couple of months ago to formalize this support network. This club is a small group of women who actively pursue their goals and enjoy helping others. We meet once per month and set goals that we would like to achieve by the next meet up. The Life Club is a great place to share hopes, fears and moments of inspiration. There is nothing better than seeing someone realize their full potential. The peer-support and accountability means that I achieve most of the goals that I set. Goal setting is the key to productivity. Why not start your own life club?

I hope that you have enjoyed this blog and I have managed to demystify the very corporate word that is productivity.

How do you stay productive in your life? Please share your tips below. 

Further Reading

New Year New You? Give yourself a break

07 Wednesday Jan 2015

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As I welcomed the new year from my front room, I couldn’t help but feel anxious about the month ahead. The media was going to spend 31 days telling me how fat I am and my mother was going to start questioning my portion size ‘ I thought you said you wanted to cut down?’ For the past 10 years I have made new years resolutions that I didn’t start until January 5th (I needed to cram in all the left over Christmas junk) and I would have given up by the 15th. I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of failure. This year was supposed to be different wasn’t it?

For the first time ever I have given up my new years resolutions. I smoked, drank and overate for most of last year, so I doubt that January was going to be any different. Then the most extraordinary thing happened. I haven’t smoked in two weeks ( yes I stopped in 2014) and I have been to the gym twice in the same week. I have managed to avoid the work cafe and I don’t want to kill anyone because of my chocolate cravings- I don’t have any. I have wanted to adopt a healthy lifestyle for years and it’s finally happening because I’m not overt-thinking  it. It’s time to give yourself a break and actually allow yourself to live.

It’s ok to be yourself

It’s natural to want to make changes at the beginning of the new year. However, it’s not ok to mentally beat yourself to a pulp. The nasty things that people say and do to themselves in January is harmful. Like a drink? then why participate in ‘dry January’? It’s only going to make you crave it more. Drinking a glass of wine does not make you an alcoholic, the same as eating a bar of chocolate doesn’t make you fat. Everything in moderation.

Despite looking to celebrities for help, look within yourself. No one knows you better then you do. I have an obsessive personality which means I can take the smallest things to the extreme. I knew if I started a diet I would be starving myself by the end of the week. Instead I have decided to cook more regularly which means I have more control of what I am eating. This means I will eat out less. Happy purse and looser jeans! You need to think about what is realistic for you. You might find that January isn’t the time to make any life changes. That’s fine, you are fine as you are.

Don’t set any goals

At work they stress the importance of setting time specific goals. It’s the key to getting things done. It doesn’t work that way in real life. Last year I said that I wanted to write 2 blog posts a week. I never did this. The reason is simple- my blogs come to me through life experience. They practically write themselves. I can’t schedule this into a neat time slots. It’s the same with many things. As a self confessed personal development addict, I love nothing better then trying to improve different areas of my life. I am always looking for something better. This means that I spend a lot of time thinking about the future and trying to rush the present. Do you do that? Wishing away the hours, days and minutes so that you can get to that place and achieve that goal?

Putting pressure on yourself never gets results. Make this the year that you really live. Don’t be afraid to try new things because you could spend that time working on your goals. If it feels right go with it. I feel like we have all become addicted to self improvement because we are told we are not good enough. Yes you are.

Make the most of each month

Do you know anyone with a 5 year plan? I have encountered those superhumans who have a great plan for their life. I remember a guy at university knew what type of wife he wanted- someone who would look good on his arm during those business meetings. Considering we only graduated 1.5 years ago, I doubt he is in a senior management position. This is an example of how people set themselves up for failure. I was the same for a long time. I had an idea of how my life was supposed to be and it definitely wasn’t this one. Although I love my job it’s not glamorous and I don’t earn enough to live on my own. We can spend so much time trying to create the perfect life that we waste time. I am realizing that the years pass quickly and I want to make the most of them. This means planning exciting/enjoyable things every month. I’m not going to wait for certain things to happen before I start to live. Life is far to short for that.

I was inspired to write this blog when I picked up Closer magazine. As much as I complain about the media I love it. The only change is i’m not allowing it to have a negative effect on me and dictate my life. You are the ruler of your own destiny. You have the freedom to make your own decisions. Always remember that.

I wish you all a liberating 2015 x

How to Achieve your Personal Best

26 Thursday Dec 2013

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I always find the start of a new year exciting and stressful. I like looking back on all my past successes and taking the time to appreciate how far I have come. On the other hand, I hate all sources of media in January. New year has transformed into another money sucking holiday, as people are told all the things they should want, be, do or have. It’s time to claim this new year (I feel like quite a rebel writing this on the 4th January) and make a commitment to achieving your personal best.

What is your Personal Best 

Think about all the things that you have always wanted to change in your life. Do you want to lose weight, get a new job or simply start saving for a rainy day? Write a list of all the things that would make you happier. Now cross off everything that is unrealistic. Everyone has different ideas about what’s realistically obtainable, so think about this carefully. You may be in a position to buy a house this year, whereas for someone else this could be a completely unrealistic goal. Your final list defines your personal best.

Eliminate Fear 

Now you have a list of goals you need to decide how you will achieve them. One of the biggest obstacles to achieving your goals is fear. We are all to worried about what other people are going to think and feel about our choices. I feel that family and friends often stop us from being our happiest selves.  Your choices may upset, shock and even hurt other people. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t make them. You only have one life and you should live it in whatever way you choose. If you choose to live in fear you will be forced to live in regret.

Be Patient 

Learning patience is so important when you are making changes in your life. I personally struggle with this every day. I want to see results as soon as I start exercising or writing. It just doesn’t work like that. I have given up on so many things because I didn’t have the patience. There is nothing more disappointing then giving up on something that you really want. Think of it this way, time is going to pass anyway so you might as well work on your goals. Where do you want to be this time next year?

The Bottom Line

Why do I write blogs or share my thoughts with anyone? Writing gives me a purpose, it makes me happy and I feel like I can help people. This passion and drive I feel for writing can be applied to anything else in my life. I just need to make the effort. At 22 years old I am young, creative and  I could do anything. This is the time to change. This is the time to try everything and hope for the best. I don’t want to live with regrets and neither should you. I feel that the biggest gift that anyone can have is youth. It’s time to create your life.

*This year I want to connect with even more people. I enjoy reading all your comments and having discussion. Don’t be shy 🙂

Goal Setting for Beginners

08 Tuesday Oct 2013

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How many of you feel lost?  Your not sure what direction your life is going but you are desperately trying to jump on the career ladder. Or maybe you are working but its far from the job of your dreams. I am the first to admit that many job titles are window dressing the the ugly truth, it’s just another 9-5. The reason you may be feeling down is because you have achieved your life long goal, to graduate from university.  The cap and gown are just a memory and your parents are starting to drop hints about rent. You still have the post uni blues. It is time to begin a new chapter and set some life affirming goals.

A goal is something that can be achieved by taking small consistent action. This goal must be measurable for example; you will know that you have lost weight when you can fit into a smaller size.  A goal must be specific and  have a time period or you could risk it turning into a dream.  Having dreams are important but they do not result in change. When choosing a goal you must be realistic and ask yourself if you can honestly achieve it. This does not mean that you can’t try and achieve the unthinkable. I use realistic in the loosest sense, as what may be realistic for one person might not be for the other. Never allow other people’s limiting belief stop you from achieving what is important to you.

 Setting goals sounds easy but in reality it is much harder to do. Maybe your someone who is really unhappy with their life but doesn’t know how to change it. The first thing you need to do is work out the source of your unhappiness.  Whatever it is, think about ways that you can change your situation. In the case of unemployment don’t feel that you can’t set a goal. You may not be in control of getting a job but you can do things to make yourself more employable.

 Another way to identify a potential goal is to ask yourself three questions: what do I want to be, what do I want to do and what do I want to have? This list can include anything, remember that no one else will be reading it. It is so important to be specific about what you want. Once you know this, you can think about the actions you need to take in order to achieve your goals. Remember that goal setting is an on-going life process. You may find that you lose interest in some goals and want to set others. This is fine. The whole point of goal setting is to create the life you want and reach a place of daily happiness.

Stop Living in the Shadow of Others

04 Wednesday Sep 2013

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This post is dedicated to the people who are desperate to fly but have their wing’s crushed by others.

We are always told that that individuality is a valuable personality trait, yet most people lack it. How can you maintain your individuality, when your surrounded in a world were everyone is encouraged to be the same? We are the media generation, celebrities dictate our fashion sense, while Instagram and Facebook tells us if our life is exciting or not. The childish need to be popular is still present in adult life. Many of us live in the shadows, adopting the ideas, tastes and mannerisms of others. How many times have you gone to a particular club/ bar because you think the “right people” are there. Despite the expensive drinks and terrible music you stayed. It’s time to find yourself.

Be Yourself

One of the personal goals of university was “finding yourself”. If anything I lost myself, amongst the various cliques and parties. Campus living is surreal and the normal rules of life don’t apply. Your real life has started and you can decide who you want to be. Banish those negative thoughts (How to attract the life you want) and start believing you are already your ideal self. If you are around people who don’t allow this new self to grow then you need to get rid of them. Rediscover your passions and do what feels right. Life is so much easier when you are living by your own rules.

Ditch Fake Friends

Do you have friends that make you feel that your ideas are silly; do you act different when your around them? These are not friends. The only time you should have to adapt your personality is at work. Friends should inspire, enrich and motivate your life. My best friends are like my life coaches. I don’t have time for associates (I have plenty at work). The best friends are those that push you towards greatness. They may not have a constant presence but you know they are always there. Positive people attract positive things, choose your friends wisely.

Be Assertive 

This applies to all areas of your life. Don’t be afraid to speak up if you disagree with something. Your opinion is valid and it will make you more interesting. When you live in the shadow of others, you are usually afraid to speak up. Now is the time to start. Have the confidence to put across your ideas and believe in your dreams. Don’t allow other people to belittle them and make you feel stupid. Assertive people are usually good at making decisions. Take control of your life.

This will be a long and uncomfortable journey but it is one worth taking. What better person to invest in then yourself? People change, fashion gets recycled and jobs don’t last for ever. Be confident enough to pursue your dreams and you will find happiness.

I hope you liked this blog, if you did then please share it with your family and friends 🙂 Like this post if you would like blogs on life coaching and goal setting.