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The Life Manifesto

04 Saturday Jun 2016

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o-woman-writing-facebook”A public declaration of intentions, opinions, objectives, or motives as one issued by government, sovereign, or organisation” (www.dictionary.com)

Your twenties are a time of success and failure, love and loss. The last time I felt this range of emotions was my teenage years. This is why I am convinced that the twenties decade is a second adolescence, a time for self discovery.  Instead of fighting all of the change and uncertainty it’s time to embrace it. That includes the uninspiring jobs, living with mum and dad and the one night stands. It’s time to release the fear and guilt- you are building a life.

We are so good at over-sharing on social media, how many people have you seen prematurely announcing a business, pregnancy, or event before they have had time to think about it? Facebook is the not the place to share your life goals. The life manifesto is where you create a powerful life vision.

This blog will explore the different aspects of the life manifesto so that you can create your own.

What is your Mission Statement? 

All good manifestos have a strong mission statement. Remember, your not an organisation or a politician so you don’t need a catchy statement. Mine is simply ”To create an exciting life filled with passion, love and adventure”. Your mission statement will be the one thing that guides you through life. How many times have you struggled to make a decision on a job, a relationship or even a holiday? When you know what you want your decisions become much easier. Your not going to take a job that doesn’t align with your core values (which will be reflected in your statement) or start a relationship with someone who lacks ambitions if you have lots it. What does a happy life look like to you?

What are your strategic aims?  

A good strategy provides direction to an otherwise vague statement. My strategic aims are centred around career, health and wellbeing, relationships and adventure because I feel that those strands broadly represent my life. Your strands should become clear after you have written your mission statement.

Now you have strategic aims you need to be more specific about what you would like to achieve in those different areas. Under each aim write bullet points on what success would look like to you. For example, under my health and wellbeing aim I have meditate each morning. This is a success indicator and will help me evaluate my progress in this area. Try and make your success indicators as specific as possible. This will make the action you need to take easier to identify.

Remember, your life manifesto is a living document that should be reviewed, reflected upon and changed.

I think that life is meant to be lived and enjoyed. As much as we are encouraged to be free and aimless (because that’s what your twenties are about right?) this brings unnecessary stress and anxiety. Creating a life vision gives you direction and helps you make meaningful decisions.

Are you on the right life path?

04 Tuesday Aug 2015

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New graduates will be stressing about getting a job and moving out of their childhood bedroom. The more established graduate knows better (and has redecorated their childhood bedroom) because they know that ultimate fulfillment can never be achieved in a job. It’s a combination of job, relationships, health and personal development. You will only feel truly fulfilled when your life is balanced. But how exactly do you get there?

Universities are good for many things but creating a life isn’t one of them.

It’s likely that your job won’t be related to your degree and you will end up with a job title that you have never heard of. That’s fine. The most important thing is making sure that you are on the right path. What do I mean by this? You need to think about the sort of life you want. The following questions might help you:

1. Is making a lot of money important to me?

2 Do I live for others?

3 Do I have entrepreneurial spirit?

These questions should help you understand your life a bit better. Some of the answers might not be what you would like (most of us tend to live for other people) but that doesn’t mean you can’t change that. The following points should help you create a custom life path made just for you.

    Live according to your life vision and values

A life vision is an inspiring story or sentence about what your life will be. I see this as an internal map that guides me when I have difficult decisions to make. My life vision is simple:

To live a life without limits

To me this means constantly challenging myself in all areas of my life. I want to help people, write, love, travel and have fun. These aims are all attached to my life vision and say a lot about my values. I care about others and i’m a risk taker. I could never work in an organisation that didn’t value people or personal development.

Take a few minutes to think about what your life could be. Make it ambitious, make it exciting but most of all make sure that you are being true to yourself. Your life vision isn’t something that you have to share with anyone. It’s your internal map. If you know where you are going, it will be easier to make difficult life decisions and cope with challenges.

Stop Living For Others 

We are all influenced by someone or something. For most 20somethings it’s living a life that looks good on social media. The most important thing is to create a life that feels good on the inside. When I speak to older people their single biggest regret is living for others. It’s good to be selfish. You should consider your wants and needs before others. Negative relationships and unhappy jobs are draining. They stop you from focusing on your goals and ultimately achieving your life vision.

There is no such thing as a perfect life vision, it varies depending on the person. The most important thing is that you live a life that you love. This holistic life view will help you become better at making decisions and over time become happier. The only competition you have is you.

Are you struggling to find the right life path for you? Comment below 🙂 

Discover the Freeing Power of “Yes”

01 Monday Dec 2014

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I remember a time where I spent most of my life living in my comfort zone. That meant saying “no” to new experiences and “no” to change. I was stuck in the familiar. I noticed that this attitude was affecting me in another important area of my life- my relationship. I wanted things to stay the same and didn’t know what to do when they started changing. I don’t know when the turning point came. Maybe it was when I realized I would soon be single if things didn’t change. This was just the beginning.

I hadn’t realized that constantly saying “no” had turned me into a selfish person. I was unwilling to share new experiences with family and friends because it made me feel uncomfortable. I was forcing people to participate in my activities, my thoughts and my hobbies without trying theirs.  Saying “no” wasn’t only limiting my experiences but also the experiences of others. I wanted to become a better person and open myself up to opportunity. I had always thought of myself as someone who dealt with change well, but I didn’t . As we all know, without change we prevent personal growth. Change is going to happen anyway, you will be forced along life’s journey whether you like it or not.  It’s better to choose the direction of your life rather then just accepting what you are given.

I have learned the freeing power of “yes”. Relationships can be transformed and the mundane becomes exciting. In this blog I will explore how saying “yes” will set you free and change your life.

Say “Yes” to a limitless career

When I first started working I was determined to keep my personal and professional life separate. After a long year of trial and error, I realized that this was impossible. The connections you make at work can be the most valuable part of the job. Your staff team is diverse with a range of cultures, opinions and personalities. I found this really hard to deal with at first but I have learnt that “making friends” isn’t important. Your colleagues  don’t have to love you- just appreciate you.  You should establish yourself as a valuable member of your team through a strong work ethic and personality. The moment I stopped obsessing over maintaining a work/life divide everything got better. It’s important to for colleagues to know you on a personal and professional level. How much you want to share is up to you.

As I have grown into my role (student advisor) I see myself as part of a movement rather then just doing a job. I want to know more about the issues facing students in higher education and I am always reading. I am the first to volunteer for conferences, seminars and to attend meetings. I am gaining a picture of the student movement and my role within it, rather then just sitting behind my desk. If you want to develop a successful career you have to be prepared to go above and beyond your job role. I don’t like job titles much, I think they limit potential. If you have an idea that is outside of your area, take it to your manager. You could run a project outside of your area. Anything is possible.

Say “Yes” to amazing relationships

I am a emotional person and relationships are very important to me. In last few years my friendships have changed a lot and I was becoming quite negative about them. I couldn’t understand why things couldn’t be the same. I started distancing myself from friends because I was so unhappy. I would avoid social events and focus on the things they did to upset me. My relationship with my fiancee was also going through a rough patch and I didn’t know how to make it better. After some thought I realized my communication skills were poor.

It’s amazing how most of use pride ourselves on our communication skills on CV’s but struggle with the people closet to us. I decided to open myself up again. This hasn’t been easy and I still struggle. The main difference can be seen in my attitude. I have decided to stop dwelling on past issues and move on. This is allowing me to become fully present in all my relationships and communication is improving daily. The first step in creating amazing relationships is believing that you deserve them.

Say “yes” to new opportunities

How many of you are scared of change? We are all guilty, it’s fear of the unknown. I used to battle with change and did my best to keep everything the same. As a writer I constantly compare myself to others. This was making me feel inadequate and I refused to acknowledge my ideas . I was scared of failure. We have all experienced failure many times. It’s a part of life. I decided that I wasn’t going to let fear stop be from developing my writing and my ideas.

Opportunities come in many forms and not all of them are life changing. The point I am trying to make is you should always pursue your passions. What is important to you? That’s the best way to decide if an opportunity is  worth taking or not.

I am committed to my personal development and getting others to recognize their potential. We are all a lot more powerful then we realize but chose to ignore it. We should stop allowing others to define us. What does freedom mean to you?

5 Student Habits all Graduates Should Keep

21 Sunday Sep 2014

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As a student I spent most of my time being reckless. I drank to much alcohol, I smoked to many cigarettes and my university blogs were completely uncensored. I knew who I was and I wasn’t scared to be myself. Throughout my three years at university I “found myself” in a variety of ways. I pushed the boundaries in my relationships, missed lecturers (choosing to plan party outfits instead) and spent hours with my friends. I was always told that university was the best years of my life and I was determined to make the most of them. Looking back, I do thing the uni years were the most interesting of my life so far but I couldn’t say the best. I think the best is yet to come.

The thing I miss most about university is the freedom. Knowing that you can do exactly what you want. Not caring about what others think and trying anything once. I found my first year of work very restrictive. I became caught up in the work syndrome. I would meet up with friends and spend a considerable amount of time talking about work. I would force myself to go to bed early and considered Sunday as a pre-work day. I couldn’t possibly go out when I had all of my food prep to do for the week ahead. My life had become obsessively structured and I found it difficult to be flexible. Graduate life had turned my into a “proper adult”. A person who struggled to dream, be spontaneous or take chances.

Working in a students’ Union is the nearest thing to freedom. I am constantly surrounded by fresh ideas, dreaming students and endless possibilities.  I have realised that freedom isn’t just for students. It’s a lifestyle, a state of being that only few people will allow themselves to experience. University opened us up to a world of possibilities, graduate life should continue to challenge and inspire us. Here are 5 student habits that I think are worth keeping…

 

Have a flexible schedule 

In our romantic memories of university, most of us forget that we had a schedule. There were lecturers to attend and coursework deadlines to meet. It’s the same with life. You are always going to have things on your to-do-list. For most of us that list is never ending. Between work, household chores and family duties, it can feel like there isn’t enough hours in the day. You shouldn’t spend your time trying to get everything done. You need to prioritise your tasks. This will give you more time to do the things that you love. Recently I have joined a gym and go at least two days after work. This is no easy task. My job is very busy and it’s difficult to leave on time most days. Despite this, I made a commitment to myself. I am a happier and more motivated person when I make time for myself. What is the one thing you would do if you had more time? It’s time to start doing it.

Maintain Your Social Life

When you work full time you can be tempted to spend most of your weekends at home. Don’t make that mistake. You don’t need to spend the whole weekend resting- you can do that when you sleep. Remember when you spent all night partying and still made that 9am lecture? This is a bit like that. You shouldn’t allow tiredness or money to stop you from having a good time. Why not organise a boozy weekender or VIP night out in town? It sounds strange but I find clubbing therapeutic. There is something amazing about dressing up, and dancing the night away with your friends. In all that laughing, dancing and drinking I say things that I find difficult to put into words. It’s also a chance to have some fun and be reckless. I always think excess is good in small doses.

Appearance is important

Is it just me or do people let themselves go when they finish university? Maybe it’s the pressures of daily life or added responsibilities of kids. It’s easy to lose interest in your appearance- I have many times. How you look is very important. It helps make a good impression at work and could even create life opportunities. Have you ever wondered why you can’t find success in certain area’s of your life? It might be time for a make over. Your appearance is one of the easiest things to change. This doesn’t mean you have to buy a designer wardrobe (I definitely can’t afford one), its just about being aware of what your appearance says about you. I find that I feel more confident about myself what I am happy with my appearance.  This is a touchy subject, let me know your thoughts?

Make Mistakes and Move On

How many mistakes did you make a university? I made lots but I started each day afresh, leaving yesterday’s drama’s behind. When I graduated I thought that I needed to be perfect. I was supposed to have my life sorted and if I didn’t, I thought everything would fall apart. As I’m sure you know, your life is likely to fall apart in the first few months after graduation. Everything you thought was true is a lie and you have lots of decisions to make. Some of them will be good and other’s won’t. It’s not a big deal. Every decision isn’t life changing and you shouldn’t think they are. I do my best to learn from my mistakes but sometimes I don’t. I often make the same mistakes over and over again. Why? I’m not sure, it doesn’t even matter. It’s all a valuable learning experience on our journey through life.

Keep Dreaming

Being a student taught me how to dream. Despite the challenges of graduate life, I continue to dream. My dreams motivate me to work harder on what’s important. I have lost friends since university. Some didn’t believe in my vision and other’s didn’t have dreams of their own. I surround myself with ambitious dreamers. They see the possibility while others focus on the limitations. This keeps me going on the hardest days. Do you continue to dream? You don’t have to share them with anyone, just hold them close. They might just come true.

Being involved in my Student’s Union Fresher’s week inspired me to write this blog. The new student’s looked so full of hope, ready to embrace whatever came their way. This is the kind of attitude we need to have in order to cope with life. The struggle is real but don’t allow the daily grind to grind you down. Your life is your own to live as you wish. Choose freedom.

Do you have any student habits that you think are worth keeping? Share them below.

Starting Work: 5 Things All Graduates Should Know

28 Thursday Aug 2014

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On August the 15th 2013, I started my first professional job. I wasn’t going to be stacking shelves or scanning shopping. I was an actual grown up sat at a desk. I woke up at 5am and agonised over what I should wear. I got there an hour and a half early but sat in a near by coffee shop because I felt it would look weird if I arrived that early. After the awkward introductions I spent my day going through health and safety procedures and finding out what my job actually involved. The job description could never have prepared me for what would happen over the next 12 months.

Learning the job was just the beginning. I had to adjust to working with a wide range of people, get to grips with company strategy and learn how to manage my emotions. At times I wanted to cry because I felt so low or I was convinced that people didn’t like me. Working with students brought it’s own unique challenges. A big part of my job is retention which ensures that more students make it to graduation. It was great when I could prevent someone from dropping out. It’s still heart breaking when I have to tell a student that they have been withdrawn and there is nothing I can do to help them. Through these experiences I have learnt my weaknesses and strengths. I can sense when I am becoming too engrossed in the story and need to pull back. All of this wasn’t outlined on my job specification.

There are so many aspects to work and it’s likely that no one will tell you about them before you are thrown in. You need to leave your competitive student persona behind and be prepared to start at the bottom. Your a toddler who needs to learn the workings of an organisation and figure out your place in it. I hope these tips will make your transition from graduate to professional a little bit easier.

You have six months to learn a job

Six months is usually probation period for most jobs. In this time you need to learn about your role and how to do your job efficiently. This means you don’t have to worry about being sacked (unless you commit a major breach) during this time. I remember thinking that I was going to be sacked in my first month of work. In my student advocacy role, I struggled to speak up because I was intimidated by the university staff. In time I found my voice and enjoy representing students in disciplinary settings. When things get hard think about how difficult your first term at university was. Your new job is going to be a lot like that. You don’t have to be perfect and no one expects you to be. Ask lots of questions, especially from the people who have been in the organisation for a long time.

Understand the different personalities in the office

I know most CV’s state “enjoy working in a culturally diverse environment” but few know what this actually means. While you may enjoy experiencing different cultures on holiday or have a diverse friendship group, working with different people can be a challenge.  I like to call this one cultural conflict. Although we can enjoy and appreciate people’s differences they can also be a source of frustration. I have had a turbulent relationship with my colleagues (much like other relationships in my life) and it will always be like that.  When I thought I had hit resignation time ( I was fed up particular person in my team), my manager introduced me  to Bruce Tuckman’s “Forming, Storming, Norming and Performing” concept.

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According to Tuckman all teams go through these stages. The “Storming” stage is when you feel like work has become unbearable. Unlike other uncomfortable situations, you can’t just leave. You need to learn how to work with the people in your team. This means accepting them for who they are and recognising their strengths. In other words, how will this person help you get to where you want to be? This isn’t school and you can’t be in constant conflict with people you have to see every day. Get over it and focus on becoming highly efficient in your role. Learning how to deal with different personalities will be the most challenging part of any new job.

Discover what motivates you

This may be your dream job or a temporary position until you find something better. Either way, you need to understand what motivates you to go to work on those days when you want to stay in bed. Whether it’s the money or your need to change people’s lives, you must have one thing that makes your job worthwhile. Like most things in life, the excitement of work will fade and you will want to quit. Don’t do it! If we only live once, then we deserve to create the best lives possible. You can’t go on holiday or nights out if you don’t have a job. Think of that in your most desperate moments (believe me I have had many of those!) and you can keep going. The very concept of “job” is a financial transaction. You sign a contract to say you will fulfil certain things and you are paid in return. Don’t let work get you down.

A stressed employee is an unproductive one

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Don’t take on more then you can handle. When I first started work I thought that I needed to work harder then everyone else. I stayed late, took on extra work and would avoid work socials. I was desperately trying to prove that I was the best person for the job. This made me stressed and I got to a point were I was struggling to cope. Over the past year, I have learned that being a superhuman is impossible and no one appreciates it. In order to get the best out of yourself you need to have a manageable workload and learn how to leave work at the office. This will also help you achieve a better work/life balance.

I have experienced so many things in my first year of work and I wish someone had prepared me better. Like most things in life, there are no mistakes only experiences. Are you a graduate starting their first job? Leave your comments below.

Let’s Talk about Depression

17 Sunday Nov 2013

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Depression has become such a common problem, most people forget that it’s a mental illness. The sweeping statement of “I’m depressed” has become normalised, to the point were people feel that it’s part of everyday life. So what is depression? I think a person becomes depressed when they decide to live in darkness. No matter how close the light is, you just can’t see it. I have had symptoms of depression on and off since I was a teenager. It all starts from believing your not good enough. This may be from an over use of social media or the people around you telling you that your useless. The transformation from student to graduate is huge and it is easy to become overwhelmed. This brought on my latest period of darkness. It took me two months, a doctors visit and incredible family and friends to help me see the light. No matter your circumstance you shouldn’t punish yourself by taking a break from life.

Find a purpose

You need to have a reason to wake up I’m the morning. Everyday you should do something that is going to help you get to where you want to be. If it’s being a writer, learning how to drive or just searching for a job, giving yourself a purpose is very important. This makes you feel like you have something to live for. When your feeling depressed it’s very easy to lose a sense of reality and feel that your life is pointless. This is not true. You are important and the world would not be the same without you. You have educated yourself to a high standard and you have the tools to change your life. Think about what you want out of life and what will make you happy. You will be amazed at how much better you feel when you find a purpose.

keep a diary

This might seem strange but you don’t have to be a novelist or an English graduate to write. We are all writers because we all have a story to tell. Keeping a diary allows you to understand yourself and tell your own story. We all have fears, insecurities and flaws that we don’t want to discuss with other people. The blank page is non judgemental and you don’t have to explain why you feel a certain way. I found writing a diary really helped me understand my feelings. I also started to notice a pattern in my moods. I realised that my moods were affected by work, people and the time of day. Identifying this made me avoid situations that made me unhappy or keeping myself busy at times when I knew that I was likely to feel sad. Keeping a diary gives you a chance to get to know yourself. Ultimately you are the one who has control of your feelings.

Speak to someone that you trust

I think that this is the most important thing you can do. Your thoughts are often irrational when you twist them around in your head. Speaking to a good friend or a doctor can give you some much needed advice. You are not the only person that has been depressed and there are ways to over come the symptoms. A friend will reassure you and remind you what a great person you are. A doctor doesn’t just put you on anti depressants. They can also suggest speaking therapy and exercise. Exercise is really the most under used anti depressant. Who ever you talk to make sure that you don’t suffer alone. In the long term having a good support system will prevent your symptoms from getting more Serious.

Keep up appearances

When you are feeling down its easy to let your physical appearance go. In the most severe cases people can stop washing or getting dressed. It important to care about your appearance as this is what you present to the world. My obsession is glitter and sparkles. I love anything that reflects light. I noticed that as I got more depressed I started wearing darker clothes. Now when I have a bad day I put on my most sparkly jumper and as much jewellery as I can manage. Everyday should be an occasion and you should have fun with your clothes. If you fancy a new look why not go to YouTube for inspiration. You can be anyone you want to be. What better place to start then your clothes.

I hope that you have enjoyed this blog and find some of these tips useful. I found it very hard to write this blog but felt that I should share my experiences with you. You are not alone, everyone suffers from depression at some point in their life. The important thing is to not let it take over. There is sunshine ahead, you just need to allow yourself to see it.

* I am happy to talk to anyone about their personal issues. Please don’t hesitate to email me thegraduate21@hotmail.co.uk