Tag Archives: 20 something

The Quarter Life Crisis

22 Sunday May 2016

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the quarter life crisis

Last weekend I went to a medieval banquet with an old university friend. We dressed up in medieval clothes, drank red wine from a pint glass and danced in a circle with complete strangers. Then we moved on to ‘Satan’s Den’ where we downed Sambuca  shots (foul) and took selfies on a double bed that we found hidden in a corner near the bar. It felt like the carefree days of uni. I think we both embraced the night because it was a break from life. Having fun was enough, I didn’t have to think about the future. I could just live in the moment. It was a nice break because over the past six months I have been consumed by depression and anxiety.

They say the ‘quarter life crisis’ is a time of uncertainty, stress and fear about the future. I have experienced it all. I’m not were I thought I would be in my career, I still live at home, I can’t seem to make my wages last the month and my jeans are still tight. Every week I start a new diet, attempt to save money and try and figure out my career path. By the end of the month I am eating everything, avoiding my bank account and having ‘that life’ conversation with another disillusioned 20 something while we try to avoid getting drunk- impossible. Older friends and family tell me that I am worrying unnecessarily  ‘Your 24 years old’ ‘ You have your whole life ahead of you’. The problem is I have no idea what that looks like.

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I have spent the last few years trying to ‘become someone’. I thought that meant chasing the next job, finding a serious relationship and losing weight. Neither is happening in the way I would like and this has caused me to become depressed. It’s been hard but I have decided to let go of my expectations. I always told myself that I couldn’t be happy until I achieved the next goal. What if this is it?  I may never achieve ‘success’ I might not be married by 30 and my jeans are likely to remain tight unless I buy a bigger pair. I’m not an expert, I live the struggle daily but the following are things that I have been thinking about.

Un-become everything that isn’t you

As a society we are obsessed with ‘becoming’ something. We spend our lives trying to fix ourselves. Generation Y have taken this to another level. Why spend so much time trying to change ourselves all in the hope that it will bring happiness. You will never be happy until you accept yourself for who you really are. I am slowly learning this. I have always been obsessed with wearing heels, they made me feel beautiful. I conveniently ignored the fact that I struggled to walk in them and I would have sore feet for at least a day after my night out. I hardly wear heels now, my comfort is much more important. What are trying to become? If it doesn’t feel right then it’s not you.

Work is a living not a life

I have a love/hate relationship with my job. One minute I feel like I am making a difference and the next I feel like another cog in the machine. The promotion I dream about seems more distant, I get disheartened and I feel like I am wasting my life. This has been a major cause of my unhappiness. I am starting to realize that jobs shouldn’t define you. It doesn’t matter how many mistakes I make or how difficult my colleagues are. I come in each day and do my best to change people’s lives. I have a job that aligns with my values and that is a blessing. You may be in a job that you hate or not progressing fast enough. You could look for a new job and that might make you happy for a while. However, happiness is never guaranteed. The most important thing is to try and find value in your work. Your job gives you the money needed to build a life- never forget that.

You can’t find love on a schedule

The number one topic of conversation is always relationships and my lack of one. I have been single for over a year and it’s not fun any more. I watch people getting married and having babies and wonder, is that ever going to happen to me? I hope so but the truth is I can’t force a relationship. Every man/woman shouldn’t be looked at as a potential life partner. You shouldn’t be mentally assessing someone when you first meet them. Dating has become boring and robotic. Dating Apps such as Plenty of Fish or Tinder tell us that value can only be found in someone’s physical appearance. We treat each other like commodities, selling yourself in the hope that someone will buy. A relationship based on the superficial will never last. I know it’s hard but we need to stop thinking that we can make love a ‘goal’. It will just happen.

I wasn’t sure about writing this post. I have been avoiding my blog because I didn’t feel like I had anything interesting or positive to say. I don’t have the answers, each day is still a struggle but I hope that this post helps someone. Let’s commit to sharing the struggles as well as the success, life is about both.

How to Manage Staff (For Beginners)

06 Tuesday Oct 2015

Posted by in Graduate Stories, Work

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By Debisi Desalu

Today’s graduates are ambitious and want to climb the career ladder quicker than previous generations. Graduates employed in start-up companies and small charities (such as student unions) will have management responsibility very early on in their careers. Management training is limited but you are still expected to deliver. Check out my top tips for how to manage staff.

Get them on board

A good induction is vital. This ensures that staff members have the knowledge and tools needed to do the job. Nothing is more dis-empowering than having to do something or being expected to do something you haven’t been trained to do or been given the tools to do. Making sure your induction and training is relevant increases the likelihood of success.

   Expectations and Accountability

Be clear on your expectations from the start, so each staff member understands their role. Once the expectations have been set ensure you are transparent about how performance will be measured. Hold staff accountable for their results without being dis empowering but most importantly create an atmosphere where your staff can hold you to account as well.

Bond with your staff

Many studies show that staff members happiness and engagement at work is directly linked to the relationship with their line manager and their wider team. Building this sense of shared goals is very important and taking the time to get to know your staff members makes them feel valued and ensures they work to the best of their ability. Doing this from the start will honestly make managing that person a lot easier. Come up with engaging activities you can do together that get them connected to the strategy, their targets and form shared goals for the team.

 Recognize your staff as individuals

As a manager it is easy to get so tied up to the process that we lose sight of the individual. One size does not fit all when it comes to managing staff and expecting the same template or management style to work for everyone is not a good way to go. Monthly 1-2-1 for example should be different depending on the individual and what they need from you, what barriers they are facing and their personality type. Some may want a full-blown coaching session while others might just want a to-do list to crack on with. Work with the staff member to get a process that works for them.

                                  Empowerment and Involvement

Empower your staff to make decisions. Let people know how their work helps achieve the bigger picture. I work with receptionists and call centre staff and they are happy to do the same tasks day after day because they can see how it makes the organisation better, how it’s valued and how it’s helping us achieve our strategy.

Personal Development

Try and help your staff set personal development goals and make time to help them achieve them. Don’t be afraid to get them ready for their next step and be comfortable knowing the next step may not be with you. Ask them what their long-term goals are and try to link those to work goals if possible. Staff need to know that you are thinking about their longer term success and not just their next appraisal.

Debisi Desalu is a People and Office Manager in London. She currently manages 11 staff members. 

Are you a new manager, what is the biggest challenge you have faced so far? 

5 Creative Ways to Productivity

23 Wednesday Sep 2015

Posted by in Personal Development

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productivity

I have never really thought about my productivity until recently. I have always felt reasonably successful- I managed to complete all of my work tasks. Then I started to think about all of the goals that I wasn’t achieving. My career was stagnant and my future book was still a day-dream. I didn’t want to look back at my life and regret the things that I didn’t do. It was time to reclaim my time and start doing the things that really made me happy. I hate patronising ‘productivity articles’ and have done my best to avoid the usual textbook advice. Here are my 5 creative ways to productivity.

Use your Calendar 

A great personal development writer (Gretchen Rubin) once said ‘if it’s on the calendar it happens’. Despite working with Microsoft Outlook daily and having a calendar on my phone I didn’t think that recording personal appointments was important. I liked being spontaneous and seeing where the day took me. The only problem with that was that I wasn’t achieving my goals.  I started to record all of my commitments from dinner dates to writing slots. I instantly had more control of my life. The unexpected benefit was also having a weekly snap shot of my life. I had more free time then I actually thought. If you want to make the most of your life use your calendar.

Create one daily priority task

We complete most of our daily tasks on auto pilot. You don’t have to think about having a shower or brushing your teeth. I don’t think we should waste our time planning to do things that will happen anyway. Save your energy and focus on one top-level task that you really need to complete each day. This may be completing a report or calling your mother. Whatever it is, make sure that you only create one. The most important task should be clear. Once this task is completed you will feel like a super hero and your self-confidence will sky-rocket. Keep life simple.

Organise tasks in 90 minute blocks

Apparently our brains work best in 60-90 minute blocks- I do agree. In the past I would give myself a whole day to tidy a room or write a blog. This resulted in hours of procrastination and very little productivity. Now I work in 90 minute blocks and can finish tasks in record time. I find that I remain motivated and actually complete more than what I set out to do. If you’re an ambitious person (like me) you probably have lots that you want to achieve. Work smarter not harder. By organising your time into blocks you can achieve your goals and still have time to have fun.

Work in different environments

If you work in an office it’s likely all you need is a computer and an internet connection. We all have times when we have important tasks to complete. If you find your office distracting why not work in a local coffee shop and enjoy your favourite latte at the same time? Better yet, why not spend a day working from home? Everyone should work in their pyjama’s from time to time.

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In order to achieve my writing goals I need to work in a variety of environments.  I have just set up a home office but sometimes I want to get out of the house. I enjoy writing on the train, coffee shops and the local library. Writing while around people is a different experience and the snatches of conversation I catch usually influence my work. Whatever your task, changing your environment will help your creativity and focus.

                                               Start a support group

We all need support, it’s not easy achieving goals alone. I created a ‘Life Club’ a couple of months ago to formalize this support network. This club is a small group of women who actively pursue their goals and enjoy helping others. We meet once per month and set goals that we would like to achieve by the next meet up. The Life Club is a great place to share hopes, fears and moments of inspiration. There is nothing better than seeing someone realize their full potential. The peer-support and accountability means that I achieve most of the goals that I set. Goal setting is the key to productivity. Why not start your own life club?

I hope that you have enjoyed this blog and I have managed to demystify the very corporate word that is productivity.

How do you stay productive in your life? Please share your tips below. 

Further Reading

Why You Should Quit Your Job

13 Sunday Sep 2015

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This blog isn’t about how to write your resignation letter. I sent a sentence of resignation through email for those who are interested. I won’t be telling you about the boring formalities of HR processes like how your P45 is issued. This blog is about the decisions that led me to leaving my job and why you should consider quitting yours.

I felt myself stagnating in my previous role. I wasn’t learning anything new and everyday felt the same. I knew I had to leave when my ideas became bigger then my role. I spent six months looking for a new job and when I finally got one I couldn’t believe it. Even though I had accepted the job I wasn’t sure if this was what I really wanted. I had made great friends, secure working relationships and I understood the dynamics of my team. Leaving my role was stepping into the unknown and I wasn’t sure if I could cope with that. Then I realised that I was thinking  too small. I needed to start thinking like a ‘professional’ instead of a ‘worker’. I wanted to build a career and that involved dealing with change and moving on.

I needed to start thinking like a professional instead of a worker.

  Career Progression

One of things they don’t teach you at university is how to manage your career. When I started work I assumed that if I worked hard I would be promoted. Promotions rarely happen. You usually have to apply for the role that you want. I learned this the hard way. Most of us work go above and beyond our job role on a regularly basis but recognition doesn’t go beyond the occasional praise from managers. Going through the education system has made us crave and rely on praise. You need to recognise your own potential.

You need to recognise your own potential.

What are your strengths and weaknesses? Is there anything that you could improve on? You should look for a role that allows you to develop your strengths. It is also important to have an awareness of your weaknesses because you may have to work on those too. Be strategic ,you don’t have to be good at everything but some things are essential. For example, I have always found the concept of strategy difficult because it involves looking at the bigger picture. I prefer to focus on helping the individual. Despite this I knew that thinking of the collective would benefit larger amounts of students. I incorporate ‘strategic thinking’ whenever I have to make a difficult decision. It helps me rationalize things and manage conflicting priorities. Whatever your areas for important areas for improvement, work on them daily. You can talk about this in a job interview. A new role means taking on new challenges.

                              You will learn how to deal with change

Most  people stay in their jobs is because they are scared of change. All of the uncertainties that could have prevented me from moving on were related to a fear ofchange. Despite change being a normal part of life most of us don’t deal with it well. We enjoy the routine or our lives, completing the same task daily and never having to worry about making a mistake. You may be comfortable but you will never create an extraordinary life living in your comfort zone. I want to limitless life. This involves taking opportunities at a moment’s notice. Taking on a new role will help you develop new skills, relationships and bring you more opportunities. It will also make the next step up easier to deal with.

            Leave on a high, don’t wait for unhappiness

Most people leave their jobs because they hate it. This is the worst time to leave. At this point you are desperate and will take anything. Your next move is unlikely to progress your career and you could end up in an organisation that you really hate. The best time to leave a job is when you think that your current role has nothing else to offer. Good managers expect their employees to move on and they will support you. I was shocked at how supportive my manager was. He even offered me career advice. The best thing about leaving on a high, is that your managers will be left with good memories of you. They become a part of your professional network and you can contact them in the future. You never know when you might need advice or another job. Keep all of your options open.

Have you become comfortable in your job, what’s stopping you from moving on? 

If you are ready for a new challenge you will find my previous blogs useful:

Waiting for the One: The ‘single’ ramblings of a 20 something

06 Sunday Sep 2015

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im-single-facebook-cover_5273I spend most of my life as a walking, talking cliché. After the breakdown of my 3 year relationship I went a bit nuts. I hadn’t broken up with someone I loved before so didn’t know how I was supposed to behave. I have spent the last 6 months binge drinking, dancing, going on holiday (Vegas is still to come) and enjoying the single life. It’s only recently that I have started to feel lonely. The evenings and weekends can seem like an endless stretch of spare time. Instead of working on my ‘life goals’ I find myself wishing that I had a date or someone to cuddle. I miss that comfortable familiarity of spending time with someone I love. The love shack that is Facebook doesn’t even bother me (honestly) but what does is all the relationships quotes.

 I am overwhelmed by ‘relationship goals’, apparently I should be building an empire with someone. This is not Hollywood.

I’m interested in meeting a young professional who is funny, intelligent, well travelled and ambitious…. am I asking for too much? I don’t think that I am. So many people waste their time with incompatible partners, I’m not prepared to do that. Us singles are told not to be picky or to consider people who don’t quite meet the criteria. Why should I do that? There are literally millions of people to choose from. I recently went to see a documentary called Looking for Love and it looked at how different generations viewed relationships. It looks like 20 somethings are happy to settle for unhappy and unhealthy relationships just so that they are not alone.

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I don’t believe in the rebound, friends with benefits (tried and tested) or anything else that isn’t real. Life is to short to pretend. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you would like to share your life with someone.  This blog isn’t a ‘how to guide’ on how to find a partner- there are enough of those already. These are just my thoughts on waiting for the one.

Single can be lonely (Lets be honest)

There is nothing wrong with admitting that single life gets lonely sometimes. It doesn’t make you pathetic or sad. I can be out with my friends and still feel lonely. They can only offer a certain type of company. Despite this I refuse to reminiscence about past relationships or message old flames. Like me, just accept that it’s normal to feel lonely and distract yourself. In the last couple of months I have started to date myself. I am becoming comfortable with my own company. There is nothing like watching something you really want to watch or spending hours reading without someone disturbing you.

Write your ‘partner wish list’ (wishes are free)

I once read a self-help booked called The Secret which was all about how positive thoughts creates physical manifestations in your life. Although I do believe this is true for most things, I don’t know if love and relationships are part of this. If this was the case, why haven’t we met our dream partners already? Despite this, I think it’s good to know what you are looking for. It makes it easier to eliminate unsuitable candidates before feelings develop.  I recently encouraged a friend to make a partner wish list and she was reluctant at first. I think most people don’t like to feel they are forcing things to happen. What’s wrong with knowing what you want?

You wouldn’t go to a supermarket without a shopping list, so why would you be willing to accept the first person who walks past? 

Be open to love 

  I think this can be the hardest thing to do if you have been hurt or single for a long time. It’s easy to become bitter and think negatively about love and relationships. While you are doing this you could be preventing yourself from getting to know potential partners. No one want’s to be around someone who constantly talks about their ex or puts up a barrier when they are getting close. Everyone is not the same. You shouldn’t allow the issues from your past relationships/experiences to affect how to interact with new people. Love is the most powerful thing in the world. We all want it and we all need it. The best way to open yourself to love is by loving yourself.

I don’t know how this blog will be received because I haven’t written anything like this before. I am known for giving advice in my personal and professional life but I think people forget that I need advice too. I want to know about your experiences of the single life.

  • Do you think ‘the one’ exists?
  • How do you make the most of the single life?

Please leave a comment below.  ‘Like’ if you enjoyed this blog and would like me to write more of this type of thing.

Are you on the right life path?

04 Tuesday Aug 2015

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New graduates will be stressing about getting a job and moving out of their childhood bedroom. The more established graduate knows better (and has redecorated their childhood bedroom) because they know that ultimate fulfillment can never be achieved in a job. It’s a combination of job, relationships, health and personal development. You will only feel truly fulfilled when your life is balanced. But how exactly do you get there?

Universities are good for many things but creating a life isn’t one of them.

It’s likely that your job won’t be related to your degree and you will end up with a job title that you have never heard of. That’s fine. The most important thing is making sure that you are on the right path. What do I mean by this? You need to think about the sort of life you want. The following questions might help you:

1. Is making a lot of money important to me?

2 Do I live for others?

3 Do I have entrepreneurial spirit?

These questions should help you understand your life a bit better. Some of the answers might not be what you would like (most of us tend to live for other people) but that doesn’t mean you can’t change that. The following points should help you create a custom life path made just for you.

    Live according to your life vision and values

A life vision is an inspiring story or sentence about what your life will be. I see this as an internal map that guides me when I have difficult decisions to make. My life vision is simple:

To live a life without limits

To me this means constantly challenging myself in all areas of my life. I want to help people, write, love, travel and have fun. These aims are all attached to my life vision and say a lot about my values. I care about others and i’m a risk taker. I could never work in an organisation that didn’t value people or personal development.

Take a few minutes to think about what your life could be. Make it ambitious, make it exciting but most of all make sure that you are being true to yourself. Your life vision isn’t something that you have to share with anyone. It’s your internal map. If you know where you are going, it will be easier to make difficult life decisions and cope with challenges.

Stop Living For Others 

We are all influenced by someone or something. For most 20somethings it’s living a life that looks good on social media. The most important thing is to create a life that feels good on the inside. When I speak to older people their single biggest regret is living for others. It’s good to be selfish. You should consider your wants and needs before others. Negative relationships and unhappy jobs are draining. They stop you from focusing on your goals and ultimately achieving your life vision.

There is no such thing as a perfect life vision, it varies depending on the person. The most important thing is that you live a life that you love. This holistic life view will help you become better at making decisions and over time become happier. The only competition you have is you.

Are you struggling to find the right life path for you? Comment below 🙂 

The Second Adolescence: Why your 20s is the opportunity to find yourself all over again.

15 Sunday Feb 2015

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new blog

I have spent the last 18 months living like a ”proper adult”. Working the 9-5, hating Monday mornings and smoking cigarettes to take the edge of my stressful but mundane existence.  Although I have recently quit my 5 a day habit, I still worry about my wobbly middle and when I will be able to afford to leave my parent’s house. I have gone through depression, manic positivity and back again. I was so preoccupied with what I felt my life should be that I have refused to live it. I would constantly make excuses about why I couldn’t do something. How could I go out when I should be saving? I knew that I was wasting my 20 something years.

Then suddenly something changed. I was looking back at my university albums on Facebook and I saw a girl I didn’t recognise. That girl loved to dress up, party and have fun. I could have a great night with just £20 but now I refused to go out unless I had £100. I wanted to feel like that again. I wanted to experience new things, travel the world and feel carefree. Don’t get me wrong my university years weren’t perfect but I did have some great experiences. To be honest I wasn’t sure where to start when it came to being carefree again.  Then I discovered the best book I have ever read:

”The defining decade: Why your 20s matter and how to make the most of them now”

defining decade

A no nonsense psychologist use’s her experience of the 20 something state to provide guidance on mental health, relationships and careers.  Dr Meg said that most people see their 20s as an extended adolescence but it wasn’t. This is the one thing that I disagreed with. I think the 20 something years are actually a second adolescence. Do you remember what it was like to be 15? Raging hormones and loving and hating with equal measure. Most of all fiercely sticking to your beliefs. Well this time around it could be even better. As adults we tend to conform to the belief’s of our families, friends and society in general. Does this make you happy? This is your last chance to create an authentic life. A life filled with your passions, values and vision.

Find your vocation

When I left university I was determined to find a job that I loved. I always assumed it would be working in a Publishing House but my path took me to the Student Movement. As a student advisor I am responsible for providing academic advice. I also offer relationships advice, tissues and great hugs. My job allows me to use the skills that come naturally to me. I leave my office every night knowing that I have made a difference to someone’s life. My job isn’t glamorous and it wont make me rich but I love it. What do you love?

 Ever heard the saying “find a job you love and you will never work a day in your life?” it’s true. I am always sorting out family disputes, relationship breakdowns and the problems of my friends- without payment I might add. I actually get paid to help people now, it can’t get better then that. Do you enjoy your job? If the answer is no then you need to find something better. You are too young to settle for a job that your not passionate about. This the time when we have minimal responsibilities. Find the career you want before you have real commitments like a mortgage or children.

Stop worrying and just do it 

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In January I booked a holiday to Gambia with my best friend.  Why? Because it was cheap, cultured and hot. Simple. Would I have done something like this last year? No. I was too busy worrying about saving for my imaginary flat, my old age and anything else that my mother suggested. I pay a monthly pension (because old age will happen) and my bills. Everything else is there for what I like to call ”enjoy my life fund”. I am only here once and I want to experience as much of life as I can. Things change and there might be a time where I can’t be so spontaneous with my time or money but I can right now. What could you be doing right now?

I think we can hold ourselves back because we feel like we should be living like an adult. Are you parent’s happy with their lives? Some might be but most of them aren’t. The biggest regret I hear from older people is not doing more when they were younger. A holiday could give you a new perspective on life. Doing something different usually brings new opportunities. If you allow fear and worry to hold you back, your life will never be fun or exciting.

What does this all mean? 

I came up with this blog when I was watching my favourite show called Absolutely Fabulous. The show is centred around two middle class alcoholics who live for the moment. For me it’s not about the drug taking or the chain smoking. It’s about two women who live according to their own rules. I think it’s important to make the most of our 20 something years. This might mean drinking until you pass out, travelling the world or just making time for hobbies. The important thing is to make the most of your time, your passions, and your loved ones.

5 Things Every Graduate Should Know

01 Sunday Jun 2014

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It’s nearly a year since I left university and I find myself thinking about this year’s graduates. The class of 2014. I can see them now, celebrating with champagne, shots and even the odd bottle of cheap vodka. No one has told them about the frustration of completing a 14 page job application form or the shame of walking into the job centre for the first time. University doesn’t warn you about the challenges that lay ahead or prepare you for starting work. Like me, you will have to learn from experience. What they don’t tell you is learning from experiencing is slow, painful and tiring. You are going to have times when you wan’t to give up but you can’t. You have a degree, now you must create a life.

It’s time to detox all social media profiles

I never realised how important social media was until I started working. It has created a 24/7 lifestyle that we all get sucked into. It’s not enough to talk to colleagues in the office. They also spend their evenings commenting and liking your Facebook statuses. The noisy ones will just enjoy getting an insight into your private life. Ignoring a Facebook request from a colleague, is just as serious as ignoring their good morning greeting. You are expected to show that you are social in all aspects of your life. This means there should be no pictures of drug use (yes weed is a drug), delete that drunken twerking video and any racist or discriminatory updates. You are supposed to be a educated individual with a view on current affairs and company strategy. Ok, I might have taken it a bit far but you get the picture. When you enter the working world, social media is suppose to expand your network and create opportunities. You should start to think of yourself as a brand. Why would someone want to buy you and what makes you unique? Use your social media networks to create and improve your reputation in the real and virtual worlds.

brand

If your looking for a job it’s equally important to have a professional online persona. Companies may search for you on Facebook and you don’t want them to cross you off their interview list because of your profile. You might be thinking, “this doesn’t apply to me, my profile is private”. Nothing is private and there is always ways to find out information about someone. Privacy settings have lured most of us into a false sense of security. The best way to think is, if you post it, it’s public. Don’t let your social media activity ruin your job prospects or your career.

 

Learn how to complete a job application

 After three years of essay writing I’m sure most of you think you know how to write. Unfortunately, good writing skills can only get you so far- you need to learn how to sell yourself. You need to do more then mention the traditional buzz words. If you are a team player prove it. What makes you think your creative, have you ever shown this before? You need to create an interesting life that exaggerates experiences and shows a great level of self reflection. You also need to show that you are willing to learn. No manger want’s to hire someone who is likely to replace them in a few years. Even if you do, you need to pretend that you live for this role and there couldn’t be anyone better for it.

experience

Take your time to carefully read and analyse the job specification. If you don’t have two years experience then you shouldn’t waste your time applying. It’s good to be ambitious but it’s also important to be realistic. Can you see how this role is integral to the company as a whole? It’s time to do your research. Find out the origins of the company and their core values. Do they have a staff page on their website? If they do have a look at their social media profiles. You might be able to pick up a few clues on the type of working environment that company has. This could be particularly useful in a company with a young team or a media focus. When you have finished your application send it to a friend to proof read and critique. Listen to their feedback and make the changes. It should take you at least three days to finalise an application form. If you have any friends who have recently got jobs ask them for tips, these could be invaluable. This is a time consuming process but if your lucky you might get a job at the end of it.

 

Depression is real

Depression is more then having a few bad moods and feeling down. If you are depressed, you will feel upset/sad/distressed most of the time and life will begin to feel hopeless. The graduates who struggle to find work may find themselves getting depressed. If you are in this situation try and keep yourself busy by maintaining your hobbies and visiting family and friends. Depression can really take hold if you start to feel isolated. I remember when I realised I was starting to feel hopeless. My parents were leaving for work and I began to cry, clinging to my mum like a child. I didn’t want her to go into the world when I felt like I couldn’t participate in life. There’s nothing you can do about these feelings, you will just have to feel them. The important thing is to remember that negative voice in your head is lying to you. You are not useless and it isn’t your fault that you can’t find a job. You are doing the best that you can and you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.

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Some graduates may think starting work will eliminate all their problems- wrong. If anything work can make your problems more apparent. The jump from student to professional is massive and I still find that hard to deal with. You have spent the last three years working on your dreams, partying and sleeping in until noon. Now you have to get up, get out and spend your best hours working. You might hate your job or love it. Either way you are unlikely to feel completely fulfilled. This is because work is unable to fulfil you as a person. In order to feel content you have to have a good work/life balance. To get this there will be much trial and error. This could bring you down. Again, go and speak to someone. A close friend or family member is the best place to start. If things don’t improve you should visit your GP and they will go through your options. Through this dark stage in your life, you should use your good days to push you forward.

Dreams take longer to achieve

When I was studying I used to dream about getting a secure job and earning a proper wage. That has happened and I still don’t feel that I have achieved my full potential. There is so much I want to achieve in my life that it can feel overwhelming. One of my first mistakes was thinking that my job was a barrier to my dreams. All jobs (no matter how crap) enable you to earn enough money to live and save. Going travelling may seem like a big dream but it will become impossible if you are unemployed. You shouldn’t stop living just because you are not where you want to be in your life. It is important to experience life and find meaning in each day. Life is made up of a series of moments and each one is important. If your working, take your lunch break to get some fresh air. If your lucky enough to be unemployed try and get your wildest ideas off the ground. Think about what you want and how you will get there.

life new

Don’t let go of your dreams just because you can’t achieve them in a day, week, month or year. In order to get to where you want to be you will have to work hard. That might mean being the last one in the office, the first one awake in the morning or giving up your weekends to develop your ideas. Some days are going to be more productive then others. You might have months where you don’t work on the dream. This doesn’t matter, it means that you have chosen to fully experience life instead. Personally, I don’t have any goals for the rest of the year. I just want to live. You have to do what’s right for you.

You are in control of your life

When life gets hard, it’s easy to feel like it’s everyone else’s fault. This isn’t true. Your life is created by you and you should take responsibility for it. You shouldn’t compare yourself to others-although I know this is hard to do. I find limiting my social media use helps me feel like I have better control of my life. I don’t want to waste my time thinking about unattainable things or watch other people living. You need to create a life that you can live with. You should surround yourself with positive people because they tend to be more in control of their lives. They won’t do things to please others or spend time complaining. Complaining about your life is the worst thing that you can do. I used to do it all the time and it only made me feel worse. Write down your fears/complaints and share your joys. Spread happiness and you will get it back. In these hard times you must learn how deal with disappointment and moments of unhappiness. You must keep going and remember that things will get better.

This blog is filled with all the things I wish someone had told me when I graduated. Real life was a shock to my system and I still have days where I think I may never recover. I know I will recover and so will you.

How to Accept the Life you Have

11 Sunday May 2014

Posted by in Personal Development

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never ending to do list

Do you want to achieve everything at once?

 By Daniella Nzekwe

Is it just me, or do other graduates feel dissatisfied with life? I work the traditional 9-5 (even though I swore I never would), I look forward to Fridays and I spend my evenings and weekends at home. This sounds like the existence of a middle aged women who has long given up on her dreams. What happened to all the glitter and excitement? I spend money on clothes for that “special occasion” that never comes and I dream of tomorrow. A pointless dream because tomorrow is usually very similar to today. I’m tired of waiting for something to happen.

It was only after a bottle of wine and a deep conversation with my cousin, that I realised what the problem was. We are not celebrities who have glittering parties to attend. We don’t have enough money to create the kind of experiences we obsessively view on Pinterest or Instagram. Then there is the competition from our fellow graduates. There is always that one person who has landed that dream job but instead of being happy for them we cry into our morning coffee. Life has become a round of jealousy, resentment and depression. Life is far to precious to survive each day and wait for a better one. It’s time to claim back the present.

Reduce your Drug use

When I talk about drugs I’m referring mainly to coffee, alcohol and sugar. Obviously if your taking something stronger then that you should think about seeking help. I think coffee, alcohol and sugar are the most abused drugs and that’s because anyone can buy them. My fellow 9-5 workers understand the importance of coffee. It keeps us up and helps us work longer. Sugar is like coffee’s bitch, we need sugar to perk us up. I used to snack on sugar all day because I felt unable to cope without it. This meant that I was constantly experiencing extreme highs and lows. I loved and hated my life all at the same time. That wasn’t healthy and that’s why I hardly have sugar now. You shouldn’t use coffee and sugar as a way of coping with life. If your tired go to bed earlier. If you have worked hard pat yourself on the back, don’t reward yourself with sugar. You would be surprised at how these things can affect your body and how you view life.

life 2

Binge drinking is one way to accept your life for an evening but it won’t last. Most of us say that we drink because we want to relax or have fun. I believe that we drink because we want to escape something- life. I used to drink because I was so unhappy with everything that was happening in my life. I wasn’t in control and as things got worse I drank more. Life looked even worse with a hangover. If your upset feel it, if your unhappy with your life change it. We can only accept the life we have, when we truly allow ourselves to be present and fully experience it.

Stop Comparing Yourselves to Others

We are all guilty of comparing ourselves to others. There is always going to be someone who has a better job, car or house then you. There is nothing you can do about it. Everyone has their own troubles and challenges to overcome, so you shouldn’t compare your lives. Some people have more then you because they are willing to work harder for it. It’s time to recognise and appreciate all the things, people and opportunities you have in your life. What have you managed to achieve in the last year? If you working, you are one of the lucky few who have managed to find a job. Whether its a stop gap or your dream career, you should be grateful to have this opportunity to develop and grow as a professional and a person. Over the past year I have realised that life changes are gradual. We will have to live similar days over and over before anything exciting happens. These average days don’t mean that your life is boring or that progress isn’t happening. You just need to be patient.

Work on one goal at a time

One of the main ways to accept the life you have is working on the life that you want. We all have things that we want to achieve and goals can help us stay motivated but to many can make us stressed. It also means that you end up achieving very little. This makes us even more dissatisfied with the life we have. What is the one thing that you really want to change? Once you have a goal you need to make a plan. You are most likely to achieve a goal if you work on it at least once a week. Doing something for yourself will make you happy and daily life will become much more enjoyable. I spend most of my week helping people and sorting out their problems. The least I can do is show myself the same attention. By accepting your life, you will also realize the power you have to change it.

Life is a daily challenge and there is so much we don’t have control of. Social media means we are constantly tracking the lives of others, which means we often neglect ourselves. If you take anything from this blog it should be this- Accept the life you have, in order to get the life you want. 

Extra Bits

I thought Extreme Acceptance was a really interesting article on the Huffington Post. It’s all about acceptance being a state of mind. Does anyone else have trouble expecting their lives? Leave a comment below.

 

Why your 20’s is the Hardest Decade of your Life

16 Thursday Jan 2014

Posted by in Personal Development

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alcohol-abuse-in-the-workplace

When you were a teenager you couldn’t wait to grow up. I always remember dreaming about turning 18. I thought being an adult would unlock the keys to the world. I also thought that I could move out and get away from my mothers nagging. At 22 I still live at home and my mum still complains because I don’t make my bed in the morning. What freedoms do I really have? My job allows me to buy pretty things and I spend my weekends procrastinating about a novel that I desperately want to write. Welcome to the life of a 20 something graduate.

As a child we are consumed by dreams that get shattered throughout our teenage years. University restores your belief in dreams, only for you to enter the real world and have them destroyed again. I am am a positive person but can’t ignore the reality that is all around me. Unemployment, the rising cost of living and the media who is constantly telling us that money and body transformation are the only ways to happiness. This is suppose to be the best time of our lives but sometimes it’s a struggle to enjoy it. Your 20’s are the hardest decade of your life because….

The Constant Identity Crisis

Who can honestly say they know who they are? I can’t. Your life is constantly changing and the only thing you can be certain of is the person you are today. Most of us are trying to create the perfect image. We spend thousand of pounds changing our wardrobe, bleaching our teeth and buying weave (ladies of course). What about those of us who are chasing one degree after another? Do you feel that education is a defining part of our identity? I don’t think so. The people who are happy and successful usually have outstanding social skills and are happy with themselves . But can you be happy with yourself when you don’t know who you are? I think it’s important to accept yourself right now. Who knows who you might be tomorrow?

Friends Disappear

As we go through the different stages of our lives friends come and go. I think there is something special about the 20’s decade because more friends seem to leave. The transition from university to work is difficult and some friendships don’t survive. Our lives change and your priorities aren’t drinking and spending hours on the phone. Working has made me more responsible and I can’t live as recklessly as before because I care about the consequences. I still have friends who want to go out all the time, when all I want to do is relax at home. Losing friends is another cruel part of life but you must look on the bright side. If your friendship doesn’t survive that it’s run it’s course. You are left with great memories but you have to move forward.

Relationship Envy

This is what you get if your single and all your friends are committed. I am in a relationship but I see what my single friends have to go through. Whether your straight or best of both, decent relationships are hard to find. This is the time your suppose to meet your life partner and settle down. If you want to be married by 25 you need to meet that person now. I see how important this is to my African friends (culture can be a stressful thing). We only have to look at the media or our own Facebook timeline for idolized images of relationships. No one shows you the tears and near break ups. If you are in a relationship then you are worrying about the future. There is no time to waste on an unsuitable partner. I don’t think we should waste time worrying about relationships. Whether your single or taken, you can’t predict the future. Just enjoy the now.

Career Uncertainty

Did you know that we will probably change career three times within our life? This isn’t that surprising considering that most of us are working in professions that might not exist in the future. Most of us are working in jobs that we don’t like or that don’t require our skills. I am lucky enough to be at the beginning of a career that I love. It didn’t begin as my dream job as I wasn’t at home writing a novel in my comfortable office (the ultimate dream). Dreams change and you should make the best of the opportunities you are given. This doesn’t mean that you can’t explore other options. Sometimes you need to take a risk. My only advice is don’t leave a job before you find another one. I don’t worry about tomorrow because that stops me from enjoying today.

This blog idea began on a crowded train. I was wondering why I had to work so hard and why I didn’t have the answers to all the questions that I asked on a daily basis. The only answer is life is a journey. It’s not always going to be pleasant and sometimes their will be delays. The most important thing is to have fun along the way and spend each day doing something you love. You might not be there yet but it will happen. I believe now is the time to create the life you want. It won’t be easy but I’m sure you know that.

*What is the hardest thing about  being a in your 20’s?